I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
