so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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