Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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