Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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