just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Houston, we have a squirter
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
