the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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