He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
we're making bets on your personal life
she pinky promised me she was 18
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
