i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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