i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
