I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
