i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
