I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
