I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
