Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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