The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
