Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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