maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
