dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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