Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
