Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
