you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
