My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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