found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
