So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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