She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
