he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you win again, gameday.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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