The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
