I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
