the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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