good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
