I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
