I just threw up on my dentist
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
