so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
