And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
