I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
