How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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