I just saw a hot homeless man
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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