I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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