Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just want nice things and good sex
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
