I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
