We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
