I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Barsexuality is the new black.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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