we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
