Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
