everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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