update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
