yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
