So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
