don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
