I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
did i just pee glitter
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
