He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
