My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
