Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
