i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
