You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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