Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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